long, warm showers
reading into the night
these are a few of the things i like.
twelve days ago, i turned twenty.
i learned to use a lighter fearlessly, wrote a paper on poetry and medicine, cooked unearthly numbers of plum pudding, dipped my legs in floral ink, cried while reading handwritten dedications, told white lies for good karma and slid my hands down a pair of sculptured arms.
in a very strange, celestial way, these encounters and achievements help me understand my existence, and always, make mundane days exceptional.
happy birthday to you, James F! to me, you are grade A perfect, and deserving of the finest things! i can’t get enough of your brown hair and artistic flair … love, L
it will be the first day of second year in a few hours’ time. bad news: i have savage beasts in my stomach which i’ve failed to tame with old wives’ tales. thing is, i haven’t felt this nervous since the morning of my final exam last year, having marooned myself in a toilet cubicle because i refused to be caught dead looking pale, in shivers, nauseous and cold. my mind is in circles, and i am acutely uneasy, but i think, with whatever sense i have left, i do know why i am feeling so poorly. perhaps it wouldn’t be too clever to write down in words because this miserable feeling could become abnormally visceral and real and i would want nothing like that to happen, especially in the presence of new faces.
i should pour myself a warm drink, munch on some toast before leaving tomorrow and wear my faithful black jeans; breakfasts and lucky charms always work wonders, don’t they?
i just came out of the shower, dressed myself in a pyjamas combination and realised that i haven’t worn this exact combination in quite a few months, last i remember i was miles away from home. i feel a sense of unjustifiable comfort in this peach shorts and blue shirt ensemble, and also some awkwardness because this outfit months ago fit a reflection that i cannot yearn to have back in my possession. i was a smudge of grey on quivering air, often overzealous, inspiring in myself a protective feeling that came across plenty as aloofness. fortunately now in peach and blue, i seem more content, altogether happier than i’d ever seen myself.
i will watch a movie starring my most favourite unattainable man, and i may watch another about a king and his speech. well, anyway, what am i talking about? it’s valentine’s day and i want to wish you angels a day of love and lovers. i promise some lovely picture posts certain to evoke memories of past and current loves after sunrise. goodnight ♥
if you’re lost this Christmas, may the lights bring you home. have yourselves the merriest time today ♥